On the 7th day it's said that God rested. I'm betting that on the 8th day he erased his Facebook profile because you know that Adam & Eve were antisocial a-holes.
As you may have read elsewhere or in the popular national newspapers, I decided to perform a little Facebook experiment last week. I keep hearing that it's the greatest thing since sliced milk, and that I should create a profile. Most of the people telling me this were friendless losers that desperately craved attention, of course. But, regardless I decided to give it a try.
Now, not being the sort to take anything too seriously, I decided that it would only be worth my while if someone, anyone, cared enough to friend me. So I created my account, dutifully filled out my personal information, hometown, dog's favorite color, inverse ratio of shoe size to IQ and whatever other silly details they requested and then sat back to let the power of social networking go to work.
I figured (and my hopelessly popular wife assured me that) the friend requests would come rolling in any minute when people saw that I joined their network. I waited patiently. After the first evening, with my inbox still empty I decided that maybe I wasn't quite that popular, that maybe not everybody I've ever met was sitting at home hitting reload on their search results page waiting for me to join, and so I decided to give it a little more time. After a day or two, and still no friend requests it was beginning to dawn on me that there was one of two things going on. Either a) I'm a friendless loser that desperately craves attention, or b) this Facebook shit is totally whack.
But, refusing to face reality, I bravely allowed my profile to age gracefully into its first week. Surely someone would try to find me? But alas and alack it was not to be. I guess I was right. This Facebook shit is totally whack. The grand social experiment of '09 had drawn to a close. Friendless (and poke-less), I deleted my account.
So, I am, and shall remain, Facebook-less. Please don't ask me to create an account. If you want to find me in the meantime, I'll be on MySpace.