PxT
How not to do customer service, a screenplay
INT. OFFICE - DAY
In consideration of the environment, our plucky hero considers riding the bus to work. Work will ostensibly reimburse bus fare under some IRS provision. Hero has done research and discovered that for reimbursement purposes, bus passes must be purchased via special 3rd-party website. Website does not offer passes for transit system local to company office. Hero sits at his desk composing email to 3rd-party customer service contact.



HERO
Dear faceless corporate entity, please add E-Tran bus passes to your website.

FCE
We'll get back to you within 48 hours.

TIME PASSES

FCE
Thank you for contacting us. Because your request concerns personal information and due to HIPAA concerns, we cannot reply to you via email. Please call our customer service line.

HERO
What the what?

FCE
For reals.

HERO
I think you misunderstand the nature of HIPAA vis-a-vis the acquisition of a bus pass.

FCE
Error: this email address cannot accept replies. Please call our customer service line.

HERO
But this is the same email address I've been using the whole time!

FCE
HIPAA!

HERO
Fuck the environment.