exaggerate a little fiction
Today I bring you the next in my continuing series of movie reviews.
I watched Pulp Fiction on cable this weekend. Or maybe I should say, I watched a movie that was almost, but not quite entirely, unlike Pulp Fiction. I've seen this movie quite a few times, including several in the theater (Chem 194!), so I feel qualified to review it. I know some of you out there think this is a horrible movie — you're wrong of course (unless you've only ever seen it on FX; keep reading).

Now, first of all, I'm not sure why they even attempted to show this movie on TV. Pretty much every other word is fuck this or mother-fucker that. They got around that part OK by dubbing in the standard "melon farmer", etc replacements. They did let the "n" word slip past the over-dubs at least once which I can only assume was a mistake since it was cut or dubbed throughout the rest of the movie.

There were other parts however that didn't fare so well. They managed to cut out at least a couple entire scenes, some of which were just inappropriate for a family network. Some others however were only midly inappropriate, so cutting them really didn't make much sense. One example is the "bring out the gimp" scene in which those wacky FX editors managed to excise the gimp, and all mention of him, entirely. Not quite sure why that is deemed offensive, but talk of getting "medieval" on a guy's ass and seeing someone get shot in the crotch with a shotgun isn't. Just about the same time there is a scene in which a door opens to reveal male-on-male rape. Obviously they couldn't show that, so instead of cutting the whole thing or just letting the sound effects tell the story, which probably would have been more than enough, they showed the scene, but with the frame awkwardly cropped to remove just about the entire room and everyone in it.

They also managed to ditch an entire scene involving the results of a drug overdose, but strangely not the drug use itself. Who comes up with this stuff? Remember, it's OK to use drugs kids, as long as you don't see that you might pass out in a pool of your own vomit afterwards!

More oddities - they decided to add in an additional scene that is not in the theatrical edition, presumably because once they were done editing out all the naughty words there wasn't enough film left.

Additional clever editing involved inserting a towel into the frame to cover up a very brief bit of male nudity. Not sure why they couldn't have just cut that scene entirely, since the dialogue at the time referred to a previous scene which had been — you guessed it — cut.

In conclusion, I hardly think that the movie I watched could be called Pulp Fiction any more. However, I commend FX for attempting the seemingly impossible. I'm sure that somewhere in the hallowed halls of Fox broadcasting there is an editor who considers P.F. his Everest, and conquering it was his life's greatest achievement. I wonder which movies they have lined up next? My money is on a sanitized version of Debbie Does Dallas.