Have you seen the Wiener balls?
In case you missed it — July 4th is over, another holiday come and gone. It occurred to me that I like some holidays better than others. Boxing Day, Canada Day & Patriots' Day are all holidays that I don't like much. Not because I resent what they stand for (hell, I don't even know what they stand for), but because I don't get a day off for any of them in this country and/or state. Any holiday that gets me a day off is OK by me.

Even within that set however there are some holidays I like better than others. I kinda like July 4th because it's predictable. I don't like any holiday that tries to outwit me. Easter, Thanksgiving, and Lincoln's birthday all think they are smarter than me by having a complex formula for determining what day the holiday falls on. If I have to consult my slide rule before I can figure out when to sleep in then I'm not happy.

I prefer holidays that always occur on the same day of the year — Christmas, New Years, my birthday (not technically a holiday, but it should be). Of those July 4th is perhaps the best of all because the date of the holiday is right in the name!. It doesn't get any better than that! This is the ultimate holiday for those of who can't remember our own phone numbers or where we left the keys to the lawn mower. The only other holiday which even comes close is Cinco de Mayo, but that one loses points with me as a simple monoglot American for not being in English; there's a small, but non-zero, chance that if I had consumed enough beers I could forget which date Cinco de Mayo fell on, but I'm almost certain that that could not happen with the 4th of July.

July 4th also has a couple other things which no other holiday seems to have picked up on — flying, exploding objects and hot dog eating contests. (Some would argue that every day should be hot dog eating day, but unfortunately the powerful anti-hot-dog lobby in Congress put a stop to that with the We Ingest Entirely No Extra Rations (or WIENER) Act of 1989.) The flying, exploding objects are something that we should really investigate for other holidays though. Thanksgiving — flying explosive pumpkins. Lincoln's birthday — exploding log cabins. Cinco de Mayo — fiery flying gringos. That way at least I wouldn't forget about May 5th if I drank too much, the exploding gringos would give it away every time!