honk if you're about to run me over
If you live in California it's hard not to notice the dueling "Yes on Eight" / "No on Eight" / "I Don't Feel Well, Maybe It Was Something I Eight" protestors that seem to be inhabiting every major intersection these days. Today I noticed that a pretty good percentage of people honk as they drive by one or the other group of sign-wavers.

I'm OK with that. After all, honking is one of our essential liberties, dating back to the early days of "Honk If You Love J. Edgar Hoover" bumper stickers and late night honk-a-thons. In fact I rather enjoy honking and I'll take whatever opportunity I can to make sure my horn still works. Sometimes I just honk to myself on an open stretch of road for fun. It can be cathartic. Like swearing, or digging out that little blob of earwax that has been muffling your hearing all day.

Anyway, getting back to the political moment, I started to wonder what the exact meaning of a honk is when you see a sign-waving proposition proponent slash opponent. Normally, the standard utilitarian honk (as opposed to just an open-road fun honk) means one of two things: either "move your ass / you're an ass" or "you have a nice ass". Not that I would ever use that second one, I'm a gentleman.

So what is the specific meaning of the political honk? Is it an affirmation of the protestor and an agreement with their chosen political view (the nice ass honk)? Or is it a disparaging comment on their poor morals and certain eternal damnation (the move your ass / you're an ass honk)? It was tough to tell from my admittedly limited sample size.

For now, I have decided to abstain from honking at sign-wavers until I can gather more data. The alternative — reckless and willy-nilly honking — is simply too dangerous. What if I accidentally endorse or oppose that free-range chicken proposition? I have no idea how I'm supposed to feel about that one. On one hand, chicken is delicious, and on the other hand I love chicken so it's confusing. And what about those We Are The World kids on TV that want a bond for hospitals or some crap? I certainly can't risk endorsing that one accidentally.

If you have more data on honking, or perhaps a link to academic research on the matter, please direct it to my attention. (Perhaps a bond measure is needed to raise money to research the topic? I'll be sure to get out on the corner holding a sign for and/or against it). But for the moment I must resist the siren-song of the horn button and keep my hands firmly at ten and two...

Except for when I pass that "No on 8" lawn sign down the block. It does have a nice ass, after all.