This entry rated TV-MA
[Note: this post contains crude language, if words like "pussy willow" and "cockerel" frighten you, then you may want to abandon ship now. Also: sorry mom.]

I was watching the best British comedy show about cars that television has to offer the other night and, although it's censored, it finally dawned on me that the British have a vastly superior and better defined system of swearing than us primitive Americans. "Cock" sees moderate use as an exclamatory swear-word, unrelated to physiology. "Bugger" is a good one that has no exact American-English counterpart. And of course the British throw "cunt" around in ways that would make many of us stateside squeamish. (For reference see Trainspotting, if you can decipher it.) The British system of swearing seems to have a much greater variety, but then I suppose just about everything British has to be simplified to be palatable to the American audience (see: Cricket vs Baseball).

So, what we need is a complete overhaul of the American-English swearing system. Let's get this shit sorted out and try not to cock it up. I demand that you all immediately rent Lock, Stock&Two Smoking Barrels, Snatch, the afore-mentioned Trainspotting and whatever else you can get your hands on. Please report back when you've sketched out our plan of attack for updating the mother tongue. I can't do it alone, for fuck's sake.