Today's installment of my How To Do Your Job column
Here's a pro-tip for all you waiters and waitresses out there (a significant portion of my readership, I know): if you offer dessert then I just might order it. If you don't then, well, I probably won't. Bigger order equals bigger bill equals bigger tip. Just so you know.

Also, if, when asked "what kind of beer do you have?" your answer is nothing more than "the regular bottles", and there's no printed beer list anywhere in the restaurant, and your response when questioned on this is to point to an unlit shelf with unidentifiable bottles 50 feet across the already dim restaurant, then you may want to brush up on your knowledge of the restaurant's offerings. Just sayin'…

This rant brought to you by Amicci's. A "very" casual restaurant, which also, apparently, has a "very" casual grasp on the proper use of quotation marks as well as a major fucking hard-on for the exclamation mark of which there are 30 on the front page alone.